ADHD, Neurodivergence and late diagnosis during Menopause
"Has my ADHD suddenly got worse?"
"Why does everything feel so much harder than it used to?"
"Why can I no longer keep all the plates spinning?"
These are questions I hear more and more often.
Before we go any further, a quick disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional. I don't diagnose ADHD, prescribe medication or offer medical advice. If you're concerned about symptoms, I'd always encourage you to speak to your GP or another appropriately qualified healthcare professional.
What I do offer is a therapeutic perspective, informed by my work as a systemic psychotherapist and my own lived experience of perimenopause and menopause.
"I've always been like this... haven't I?"
Many people describe reaching their forties or fifties feeling as though the strategies that have carried them through life suddenly stop working.
The colour-coded diary.
The endless lists.
The reminders to remember the reminders.
The ability to hold everything together with determination, caffeine and what can only be described as organised chaos.
Then, almost overnight, it feels as though someone has quietly removed several of the juggling balls without telling you.
For some people, this can be one of the first times they begin wondering whether ADHD or another form of neurodivergence might be part of their story.
Why now?
Research is continuing to explore the relationship between hormonal changes and ADHD, and many clinicians recognise that changes during perimenopause can make existing ADHD traits more noticeable or more difficult to manage.
People often describe:
struggling to concentrate
increased forgetfulness
feeling more overwhelmed
emotional reactions feeling bigger than before
difficulty organising everyday tasks
exhaustion from trying to keep everything going
Of course, these experiences don't necessarily mean someone has ADHD. Many people experience similar changes during perimenopause for a variety of reasons.
Sometimes, though, these changes prompt people to look back over their lives and think:
"Actually... this might explain quite a lot."
Looking backwards with new eyes
One of the things I find most moving is hearing people begin to re-visit their own story with greater compassion.
Suddenly school reports that said "bright but easily distracted" take on new meaning.
The feeling of always working twice as hard to stay organised.
The constant effort of trying to fit in.
The exhaustion of masking.
The belief that they were simply "too much", "too emotional" or "not trying hard enough."
For many people, a late diagnosis—or even beginning to explore the possibility of one—isn't just about understanding attention or organisation.
It's about understanding themselves.
That understanding can bring relief.
It can also bring grief.
Both are perfectly understandable.
It doesn't just affect one person
Because I work systemically, I'm always interested in relationships as well as individuals.
Partners may notice changes too.
They may wonder why someone who has always appeared organised now feels overwhelmed by everyday decisions.
They may struggle to understand emotional changes or increased sensitivity.
Sometimes both people are trying their absolute best, while simultaneously wondering what on earth is happening.
It's not unusual for misunderstandings to grow when neither person has the full picture.
Often, what couples need isn't someone to decide who's right.
They need space to become curious together.
Curiosity instead of criticism
One of my favourite words in therapy is curiosity.
Curiosity asks different questions.
Instead of:
"Why can't I cope anymore?"
Perhaps the question becomes:
"What has changed, and what might my mind and body be trying to tell me?"
Instead of:
"What's wrong with me?"
Perhaps it becomes:
"What if there's another way of understanding my experience?"
Those are very different conversations.
Making sense of the pieces
If you've read other pages on my website, you'll know I often think about therapy as sitting together with a jigsaw.
Sometimes a late diagnosis—or simply beginning to understand yourself differently—can feel like finding a handful of pieces you didn't even know belonged to your puzzle.
They don't change who you've always been.
They simply help more of the picture make sense.
You're not alone
Whether you're navigating menopause, exploring the possibility of ADHD or another form of neurodivergence, or simply feeling that life has become harder than it used to be, you don't have to work it all out on your own.
Therapy won't provide all the answers, but it can offer a space to slow down, look at the pieces with curiosity rather than judgement, and begin making sense of your story.
Further information
If you're looking for medical information about menopause or ADHD, or would like to explore assessment or treatment, these organisations provide reliable, evidence-based information:
Dr Louise Newson– Evidence-based information about menopause, symptoms and treatment options.
As always, if you're concerned about your health or think you may benefit from an assessment, please speak to your GP or another appropriately qualified healthcare professional.