Menopause, Perimenopause and making sense of change (Without Losing Your Mind)
Before I begin, a small but important note: I am not a medical professional. I don’t diagnose, prescribe HRT, or offer medical advice. If you’re looking for that side of things, your GP or a menopause specialist is the right place.
What I do offer is a psychological perspective as a UKCP-accredited systemic psychotherapist, alongside professional experience supporting people through menopause and perimenopause, and also my own lived experience of this slightly unpredictable stage of life (which, at times, has involved standing in the kitchen wondering why I went in there… again).
So what actually is perimenopause?
Perimenopause is the transitional phase leading up to menopause. Hormones start doing their own version of “creative improvisation,” which can mean things feel a bit different from how they used to.
This stage can last several years and often shows up in ways like:
periods becoming unpredictable (helpful if you enjoy surprises, less so otherwise)
sleep becoming lighter or more broken
mood changes that seem to appear out of nowhere
anxiety showing up more loudly than before
brain fog (that lovely feeling of walking into a room and forgetting why you’re there… repeatedly)
energy levels that feel inconsistent at best
It can be confusing because it doesn’t always follow a clear pattern. Just when you think you’ve worked it out, your body quietly changes the rules again.
And menopause?
Menopause is defined as the point when you haven’t had a period for 12 months. After that, you are considered post-menopausal.
Some people move through this stage with relatively few difficulties. Others feel as though their body and mind are staging a bit of a protest.
Common experiences can include:
hot flushes (your internal thermostat developing a personality of its own)
sleep disruption
changes in mood or emotional intensity
shifts in confidence or identity
changes in intimacy or sexual desire
feeling “not quite like yourself,” even if you can’t quite explain why
It’s not just hormones (it’s also life)
In my work, I see that menopause isn’t just a physical process. It can also affect how we relate to ourselves and the people around us.
It can influence:
relationships with partners
family dynamics
parenting (especially adult children or teenagers)
work and confidence
and our sense of identity more generally
For some people, this stage of life feels like loss or confusion. For others, it brings clarity, honesty, or a long-overdue reassessment of things that no longer fit.
And for many, it’s a mixture of all of the above—sometimes in the same day.
A bit about me
Alongside my professional work, I also bring lived experience of perimenopause and menopause.
If I’m honest, it has been one of those experiences that makes you realise just how little warning there is for certain life stages. One minute everything feels familiar, and the next you’re googling “is it normal to feel like this?” at 3am while trying not to wake anyone else up.
It has also deepened my respect for how different everyone’s experience is. There is no single “right way” to go through menopause—despite what some well-meaning pamphlets might suggest.
If you want medical information
If you’re looking for medical guidance, it’s always best to speak with your GP or a qualified healthcare professional.
You may also find these useful:
NICE Guidelines on Menopause:
https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23Dr Louise Newson (menopause specialist GP and educator):
https://www.drlouisenewson.co.uk
These are good, evidence-based starting points if you want clear medical information about symptoms, treatment options and HRT.
A final thought
Menopause is often described in purely biological terms, but for many people it’s also a psychological and relational transition—sometimes subtle, sometimes very loud, and occasionally both at once.
If you’re in it right now and thinking, “is it just me?”—it isn’t.
And if things feel confusing, overwhelming, or simply different from how they used to be, therapy can offer a space to slow things down and make sense of what’s happening, without judgement or pressure to “sort it all out.”